What’cha Talking About, Officer?
In other little person news, Gary Coleman was issued a misdemeanor citation for disorderly conduct after witnesses said they saw him having a heated discussion with a woman last Friday evening. Once he started hitting the steering wheel of his car, the witnesses grew concerned and called police.
Ya know, it is a full moon tonight. I’m just saying, maybe midgets are like werewolves, only instead of growing fur and viciously attacking strangers, they drink a pint of Jack Daniels and get arrested. The latter may be less dangerous, but in either situation, SOMEBODY’S waking up the next morning naked and ashamed.
Little Person, Big Trouble
‘Little People, Big World’ star (and I use that term loosely) Matthew Roloff, was busted for DUI on June 19th. After failing a sobriety test, he was taken to a Washington County Jail where he was cited and released.
I have so many questions. 1. Can you actually get arrested for driving a power wheels drunk? I mean, I’m sure it isn’t ADVISED, but that thing can only go up to what? 4, 5 miles per hour tops? 2. How come he looks so happy? I know it’s uber trendy to get a DUI these days, but he shouldn’t be trying to keep up Lindsay and Nicole. They’re professionals. I swear to god if I start seeing pap photos of this guy outside Area, I’m going to march over there myself and put him in his tiny little place.
Jake and Reese Back Together Again
The Paparazzi caught Reese and Jake together outside of Jake’s house in the Hollywood Hills where Reese picked him up.
This is bad news since I’m pretty sure if they are together again, she probably won’t want me dating him. And since I have no intentions of NOT dating him, this will probably result in fisticuffs.
Jodie Sweetin Gives Lap Dances
Do you know who this is? It’s Jodie Sweetin. And she’s tainting my childhood memories by slutting up on her husband, Cody Herpes, I mean Herpin. And she’s smoking. And she’s wearing purple satin pants. Even her husband is like, “Really? Step-on-me Tanner is offering me a motorboat? I’m not sure I’m okay with this.”
Star Jones is a Big Fat Liar
Finally, after a bajillion years of telling us that she lost weight by pilates and diet, Star Jones has admitted to gastric bypass surgery. She writes in Glamour magazine:
“Everything about me was already so public (mostly my own doing — talk about dumb!), so of course everyone wanted to know what I had done. I was also terrified someone would have a tragic result after emulating me without making an informed decision with her doctor…But the complete truth is, I was scared of what people might think of me.”
This isn’t news. It would be news if we learned that Star Jones did something that wasn’t completely self centered and awful. What next? She’s gonna tell us she wears a weave? WE KNOW. When will Star Jones realize that no one gives a shit about anything she does? You got gastric bypass? Big effing deal. You married a homo? Great for you. You just took a dump on Barbaba Walters? Fanfreakingtastic, now get your dumb face off my TV.
Beauties With Big Brains
Beautiful girls are a dime a dozen when it comes to Hollywood, but brains … not so much. You don’t have to look too long at the tabloids in the supermarket checkout lines (or hell watch Fox News or CNN for a few minutes and you’re sure to catch the latest on Paris or Lindsay) to see that most famous actresses and singers didn’t exactly graduate from Harvard.
But there are movie stars out there who actually did graduate from Harvard. And Yale. And Oxford. Some of the hottest actresses out there have resumes that are more impressive than their looks. Here are ten of the hottest smart girls in Hollywood:
10: Emma Thompson
Background: Two time academy award winner (Best Actress for Howard’s End, and Best Adapted Screenplay for Sense and Sensibility), she’s recently been seen in Stranger Than Fiction and in the Harry Potter movie series as Professor Trelawney.
Evidence of brains: Thompson graduated from Cambridge with a major in English literature. Won an academy award for screenwriting.
Why she’s hot: Cute blonde british girl, what’s not to like? Also, has an incredible smile.
Photographic evidence:
9: Rashida Jones
Background: Best known as Karen Filippelli on The Office. Also made appearances on Boston Public and Freaks and Geeks. Daughter of media mogul Quincy Jones.
Evidence of brains: Jones is multi-talented, having taken piano lessons from the age of five. Graduated from Harvard in 1997 after studying religion and philosophy.
Why she’s hot: Jim’s rebound girl after getting denied by Pam, which has to count for something.
Photographic evidence:
8: Alicia Keys
Background: Keys has won nine Grammy’s, eleven Billboard Music Awards, and three American Music Awards. She’s sold roughly 20 million records in her career so far.
Evidence of brains: Despite growing up in Hell’s Kitchen, Keys graduated from the Professional Performing Arts School in Manhattan at the age of sixteen as Valedictorian. She had a scholarship to Columbia University, but decided to pursue her musical career. Fairly smart decision there.
Why she’s hot: All about the braids and that hair. Plus there’s just something hot about a girl banging away at a piano.
Photographic evidence:
7: Jennifer Beals
Background: Beals has been around damn near forever, first coming to the scene in 1983’s Flashdance. Currently stars on Showtime’s The L Word, where she plays Bette Porter, an Ivy League Educated lesbian.
Evidence of brains: Graduated from Yale University with a B.A. in English lit.
Why she’s hot: I’m repeating myself, but come on: Currently stars on Showtime’s The L Word, where she plays Bette Porter, an Ivy League Educated lesbian.
Photographic evidence:
6: Kate Beckinsale
Background: Has starred in numerous big box office blockbusters such as Pearl Harbor, Click, and Underworld.
Evidence of brains: Won multiple W. H. Smith Young Writers competitions in her teens, studied foreign language and literature at Oxford.
Why she’s hot: Always showing up on lists of hottest women (best showing #16 in Maxim’s Hot 100 in 2003, also named England’s #1 Beauty by HELLO! magazine in 2002.
Photographic evidence:
5: Sharon Stone
Background: One of the most famous actresses in the world, appearing in one of the most famous scenes in movie history.
Evidence of brains: Actually flunked out of high school as a rebellious teenager, but there’s a good chance that was due to boredom. Stone’s IQ has been tested at 154.
Why she’s hot: She helped make it cool to leave the underwear at home.
Photographic evidence:
4. Jodie Foster
Background: Broke out in 1976 with her role in Taxi Driver. Has won two Best Actress Oscar’s for her roles in The Accused and The Silence of the Lambs.
Evidence of brains: Possibly the most brilliant actress alive, Foster graduated Valedictorian from a French speaking prep school in LA before heading off to Yale where she graduated magna cum laude with a B.A. in literature. Is actually intelligent enough to keep her personal life out of the press.
Why she’s hot: Pretty much the embodiment of the word “cute”. And there’s nothing wrong with a strong woman: she took on Hannibal Lector and did pretty well for herself.
Photographic evidence:
3. Jennifer Connelly
Background: Won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her work in A Beautiful Mind. Has a history of picking roles in intelligent films.
Evidence of brains: Went to Yale and studied English, but eventually transferred to Stanford where she finished her Bachelor’s. Speaks three languages fluently (French and Italian).
Why she’s hot: Start at the incredible eyes and head south. Plus, you know, you have to respect a girl willing to go ass to ass. Ahem.
Photographic evidence:
2. Natalie Portman
Background: Career was launched with her role in The Phantom Menace, but she was actually working years before that with roles in movies such as Heat and Mars Attacks!.
Evidence of Brains: Graduated from Harvard University in 2003 with a bachelor’s in psychology, and has pursued grad studies at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. Speaks five languages.
Why she’s hot: She’s been every geek’s fantasy for eight years now, and it’s pretty easy to see why.
Photographic evidence:
1. Elizabeth Shue
Background: Was an 80’s hottie in films such as The Karate Kid, Adventures in Babysiting, and Back to the Future, but she showed that she’d grown up in the film Leaving Las Vegas, portraying a prostitute mixed up with a suicidal alcoholic.
Evidence of Brains: Attended Wellesley College and Harvard University, but withdrew to pursue her acting career. Went back and finished fifteen years later, graduating from Harvard with a degree in government.
Why she’s hot: Any child of the 80’s could tell you that Shue is the ultimate girl next door.
Photographic evidence:
Check out our Honorable Mentions!
American Idol Watch
It’s that time of year again. American Idol kicks it off this time in San Diego California. Thousands lined up hoping to make it through the first round of auditions in order to go to Hollywood, stage two of elimination.
This year marks the seventh season of American Idol. The highly watched show has produced many big hitters in the music industry including Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, and Carrie Underwood.
Many came with sleeping bags and pillows, while other donned peculiar costumes hoping that would sway the judges into letting them get their 15 minutes of fame on TV.
Producers are expecting more than 10,000 people to show up for their chance at being the next American Idol.
Lines began forming around 3 a.m., as many hopefuls had already spents hours in line over the weekend in order to register for the competition.
Paris WILL inherit money
Apparently the whole story about Paris’ grandpa Barron removing her from the inheritence was a complete fabrication started somewhere in the U.K. The original story was, that Barron Hilton was upset and embarrassed with his granddaughter’s behavior and ruining the Hilton name and was not going to let Paris receive the $30 million inheritence.
Well TMZ has officially confirmed that the story was completely made up, so the heiress doesn’t need to get a real job any time soon.
Paris selling her home
Paris Hilton is selling her Hollywood Hills home for $4.25 million. This Spanish style home has four bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths, and a separate guest quarters, with one bedroom that was converted into the “ultimate” closet.
This was the home on Sunset Boulevard, where paparazzi staked out last month in order to catch glimpses of Miss Hilton, as she was in and out of jail and put on house arrest for a short period of time. Many neighbors were really upset over the whole media debacle and wanted the noise and traffic to be monitored by the police.
I’d be ticked too, if I couldn’t go down my street because 100 plus people were stalking the heiress waiting to snap a picture of her. They probably petitioned to kick her out of the neighbor, until she finally gave in and moved.
Conversations with Celebrities : Gwen Stefani
"Hmm, Gwen?"
"Yes, Ty?"
"Are those... um... are those, parachute pants?
“Yes, I am a trendsetter.”
“Ya, I heard that about you. It’s just… well, hammer pants weren’t even cool back when they were popular.”
“But hammer pants make me so happy.”
“I can see that. It’s just that I was watching that episode of ‘the Simpsons’ the other day, ya know the one were Homer goes to clown college? And well, I just don’t think any sentence should start that way when we’re talking about your outfit.”
“You’ll see, after this picture gets out EVERYONE will start wearing parachute pants.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of, Gwen, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
