JK Rowling Shows Some Bra
Written by David
Jessica Simpson Almost Falls Down
Written by Ty
That’s right, celebrities almost wiping out is now considered news, and I am here to give it to you first. Jessica Simpson was walking on a grate with her heels on and almost ate it big time. My favorite thing about this photo is the girl right behind Jessica who is clearly laughing at her. Who can blame her? I like to pretend that she just pushed her and is now walking away giggling with her friend.
Misinterpreted Photo of the Day: Britney Spears
Written by Ty
Britney: Hey y’all! I got a new cell phone!
Me: Is that because you couldn’t get reception on your old one?
Britney: Because huh?
Me: The reception thing… the reason you didn’t see your kids?
Britney: My who?
Me: Nevermind. Are you kissing your phone?
Britney: Yes. It hurts and I’m kissing it to make it better.
Me: What did you do to your phone?
Britney: I pushed a button and it took a picture of me. So I had to run it over.
Me: That’s ridiculous.
Britney: It smells like Doritos.
Me: I imagine most things that you own smell like snack foods.
Shia LaBeouf Arrested!
Written by Ty
Shia was arrested this weekend for refusing to leave a Chicago Walgreens. A security guard told him he was too drunk to be in the store and when Shia refused to leave, they called the cops. He was charged with misdemeanor criminal trespassing.
That is the pussiest arrest I have ever heard of. It really is the Disney version of getting arrested in Hollywood. Lindsay Lohan tries to run over a woman while coked out, Nicole Richie drives the wrong way down the 134 because she’s high as a kite, and Shia LaBeouf gets arrested for loitering. What a douche.
Angelina Jolie has Nasty Arms
Written by Ty
Isn’t it interesting how celebrities we used to think were hot are all terrifying now? First Madonna and her steroid arms, now Angelina is showing off her veiny limbs. It’s like I can see inside of her, but it’s not in the sexy way. It’s in the way that gives me nightmares and makes me cry myself to sleep at night. Visions of skeletor hands reaching for me, begging me to give them a sandwich.
Nick Lachey is Original
Written by Ty
Nick Lachey dressed up like “Dick in a Box” for Halloween. You know who else dressed up like dick in a box? Everyone. I was at a party this weekend with no less than 6 people with boxes over their junk and a smug look on their face like they were relevant or something. Guess what? You’re not. I tried wearing a ornately wrapped gift on my crotch and told people I was going as “box in a box” but no one thought it was funny. Oh well.
Britney Spears Runs Over A Cop
Written by Ty
Well, OK… just his foot, but still! Apparently the cop was trying to help her get through this crowd of paparazzi and she thanked him by running over his foot. That’s the last time anyone ever tries to help her again. There were no broken bones, but the cop is filing a complaint because you don’t let Britney run you over without some kind of repercussions. I think it’s only fair that everyone who she has run over gets to hit her with their car. It’s like in soccer when you get a penalty shot, but this time it ends with Britney Spears with broken legs. At least she can’t shittily pole dance with no legs. You’re welcome.
Amy Fisher Sex Tape Pictures
Written by David
If you followed the Amy Fisher - Joey Buttafuoco fiasco back in the 90’s I doubt this news will shock you. Amy Fisher is the latest celebrity (and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) to have a sex tape:
The world soon could be seeing more of the Long Island Lolita - a lot more.
A sex tape of Amy Fisher and her husband, Lou Bellera, is in the hands of a Los Angeles porn distributor, and the onetime teen temptress isn’t happy about it, her former business partner said yesterday.
Fisher and her husband apparently made the tape earlier this year, before they filed for divorce, according to David Krieff, a TV executive who has produced reunion specials with Fisher, her ex-lover Joey Buttafuoco and Buttafuoco’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco.
We have some stills from the Amy Fisher sex tape that you can see after the jump (sort of NSFW):
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Paris Hilton is Fucking Ridiculous
Written by Ty
The only thing different about this “costume” and what Paris wears on any normal day is her explanation of why she’s wearing it,
“I’m wearing this for the troops because I know they’re having a hard time right now and don’t really get to celebrate Halloween.”
You know who else doesn’t get to celebrate Halloween? Dead people. So feel free to sympathize when them and jump off a building.
Britney Spears Can’t Decide on a Costume… Wears Them All
Written by Ty
Britney went out last night dressed as a cat. Can’t you tell? Somewhere along the way she found other people’s costumes that she wanted to wear, and instead of switching with them (probably because people have gotten wind of her cancer cooch), she just kept piling them on top of her existing costumes, because she’s five. Here she’s some sort of Mexican Mardi-gras paper boy. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but without it she’d just be dressed as an unfit parent with a coke problem, so I consider this costume a smashing success.
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