Christina Aguilera Steals Nicole Richie’s Thunder

Eonline has finally confirmed what we all knew was true a month and a half ago; Christina Aguilera is pregnant. You know how we already knew that? Because we’re not retarded. And I’m pretty sure even 7 out of 10 retarded children know that when a celebrity gets fat it means they’re knocked up. Or they’re Lindsay Lohan. Or what I am really trying to do here is start a rumor that Lindsay Lohan is pregnant. With Johnny Knoxville’s bastard baby! And that’s why he is divorcing his wife! I am so smart. I’m like a celebrity detective.

I could have just as easily gone with Wayne Brady there, but I know even Lindsay Lohan would never do it with Wayne Brady. God. Why’s she gotta be so racist?

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