Conversations with Celebrities: Jake Gyllenhaal

So there were pictures taken of Jake at one of my favorite restaurant/cheese shops, Joans on Third. This led me to imagine the conversation that would take place if I ever ran into him there.

Ty: “OMG! JAKE!”
Jake: “Uh, hi. who are you?”
Ty: “I’m Ty! I can’t believe you eat here too!”
Jake: “Yeah, it’s uh, pretty good food. Look i gotta-”
Ty: “I looooooove Joans! They have, like, the best cheese selection ever!”
Jake: “Ya, so I’ve heard. But I reall-”
Ty: “Do you want to get cheese with me sometime?”
Jake: “Excuse me?”
Ty: “You, me, a wedge of brie… It’ll be like that horrible Owen Wilson movie, except it won’t be boring and awful and it will end with us making out!”
Jake: “No thanks”
Ty: “But you don’t understand! We are meant to be together! We both love cheese hate Kirsten Dunst! Also I used to really like Reese Witherspoon, and you are totally boning her! It’s like we’re the same person. I’ll just follow you to your house.”
Jake: “Please leave”
Ty: “I LOOOOVE YOU!!!!!!! and cheese. BUT MOSTLY YOU!!!”
Jake: “Look, I’ll give you $5 to leave.”
Ty: “Deal.”