Orlando Bloom is Innocent

TMZ reports today that Orlando Bloom will not be charged with a hit and run for the accident he caused a couple of weeks ago. Remember? The one where he hit a tree and then ran away from it? Ya, that one. Since he was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol,* the accident is being blamed on the swarms of paparazzi that were surrounding him. Even though it was those same paps who told him to go back to his car so he wouldn’t be arrested.

*No tests were actually taken to determine whether or not he was sober at the time, because that kind of irrefutable evidence is waste of time. Time that could be spent asking Orlando Bloom questions about the Lord of the Rings movies. Because Hollywood is to justice and ethics as Britney Spears is to self-control and a 5th grade education.

That was some SAT shit right there! I feel the smartliest.

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