Please Shave

“Josh, Orlando, I’m glad you guys could make it to my meeting. I have some things I need to discuss with you. Ok, just one thing. You need to invest in a disposable razor like, 5 minutes ago. You are both decently attractive human beings when you don’t look like you’re about to jump out from behind a tree and violate me with a baguette. Ok, that one was only aimed at you, Orlando. Josh, you’re fucking SAWYER, man! I mean, you’re not fucking Sawyer, you are Sawyer. Kind of. At least on Wednesdays. Or Thursdays if I have to TIVO you. You’re telling me they don’t have anything razor-like on that whole island? I’m pretty sure if they have cheerios and toothpaste, they have a darma-brand bic or something. Especially since you’ve been there for like, 3 months and this is the first time you’re sporting the scruff. And yes I realize that you don’t ACTUALLY live on the island, but I will continue to pretend until ABC cancels you and replaces your time slot with the inevitable “Cavemen” spin off that follows one of the cavemen as he answers a craigslist ad and ends up moving in with the fucking gecko or some shit. Seriously, after you figure out the whole hygiene situation, we need to take a stroll over to Burbank and smack those ABC bitches for being such giant douches. I’ll drive. Thank you.”

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