So Many Britney Stories…
Wow. Ok. There’s major money in talking shit about B-spears lately, here’s all the latest.
Star Magazine: OMG you guys, you’ll never guess what I heard! Britney Spears makes out with men in front of her kids! And then she whitens their teeth AND she has even told them they were mistakes! EWW!
Us Weekly: Holy crap, Star, that’s some crizzazy bullshit right there, but it’s got nothing on what I’ve heard. Check it- Britney only hires young, hip nannies that will drink with her… in front of her children! And she also gets naked in front of her staff and asks them if she looks sexy. What a ho! One nanny even claims Britney made her share a bed with her and Sean Preston! That biotch is MESSED UP.
OK! Magazine: Oh ya? You think that’s good? I’ve got LESBIAN rumors. I’ve heard that Britney hooks up with Shannon Funk, ya know, her former assistant? In fact, on the night of the random college student pool incident, witnesses told me that the two were topless together in the pool all night!! AAANNNDD it was Shannon that ended up in Brit’s bed!! Can you believe it? I always knew there was something “funky” about Britney’s vagina, I just thought it had to do with the stank. Am I right?! High Five!! No? Ok.
National Enquirer: You guys are lame. The real story is here. Apparently, K-Fed has obtained video footage from 15 surveillance cameras that Britney had in their home. They have taped evidence of one incident where Britney actually whacked Kevin with a frying pan! Apparently her interpersonal skills were learned from a Tom and Jerry cartoon. She’s F-ed up, man.
Star: That girl is way whack.
OK!: With a capital HO.
Life and Style: Hey guys! I just got here! Am I too late?! What did I miss???
National Enquirer: Pssht! You are way too late. All the good dish is taken. Go back to hiding behind the Seventeen magazine where you belong!
Star: Why you hatin’? He just wants to be included.
National Enquirer: Because no one reads Life and Style. People come to good ol’ familiar N.E. when they want the real scoop.
OK!: Excuse me, I’m pretty sure all the celebs are coming to ME to tell their stories.
Star: You know, I’ve noticed that. How come?
OK!: I have no idea.
Funny!!!
Wack, huh? Is she wiggity wack, or just the regular kind?